So you’ve met the person of your dreams, Bravo! You’re in love and so eager to enter the next phase, Your prayers have been answered and this person is the key to your happiness. You throw your lot in together and united two will now become one. This is how the story goes, does it not? Yes and no, because as often as not this fairy tale doesn’t always have a happy ending. What could have gone wrong with a love so strong. I will tell you. The above phrase “United two will become one”, if taken too literally will undermine everything. Let me explain.
Two people can not become one, and a person can not be expected to hold the key to your happiness. So often its these expectations that ruin what seemed to be such a good thing, and if it hasn’t yet it most likely will. Not to sound like all gloom and doom and condemn your love before it’s even off the ground, lets come down to earth for a minute and get just a little logical. This will all make sense in the end.
You are an adult and have been up to this point responsible for your own life and evolution. To expect your new partner to now combine with you, and evolve with you as one is an impossible demand to meet. He or she after all is still also responsible for themselves.
The key is to evolve together as one, but separately. Have I lost you? Stay with me, this is tried and true. Within the confines (not confinement) of your relationship you both have to be allowed to grow and change with the tides of time. How long do you expect to be married? 10 years, 25, the rest of your life? This is a very long time to say the least, and the person you are at say 25 years old is not the person you will be at 35, I promise you that, and so it goes on into your future.
To be so dependent on each other with these expectations as time goes will become stifling as you each become stagnant no room to grow, no room to breathe. Pulling at your collar yet? You’ve all heard someone in your life in a failed relationship say “He, she smothered me. I’ve changed, we’ve grown apart. We were moving in different directions. ” Familiar right?
These statements are the real expectations in a long term relationship that is successful. You must expect and allow your partner the room within your relationship to do these things, because over time we all change, we all move in different directions, its inevitable. So you want real life examples, ok this will make all of this clearer still.
Children will come. Jobs will change. People you love will become sick and die. Your interests will vary greatly from decade to decade. Your sex life will sizzle for years, then either disappear or become somewhat boring, only to catch fire again (thank goodness) for what ever reason. You will gain weight and or loose it. Your self image will change as your body does. Friends will come and go. Money at some point will be an issue. These are just some of the things that I promise you will happen to each and every one of the people reading this, I wont even go into the off-shoot possibilities.
So you’ve met the person of your dreams, Bravo! Enter the next phase of your relationship and be excited! Leave what you expect of the other person at the door, except for the obvious such as cheating, lying, drug abuse, or physical and mental abuse. The rest is fair game.
Life is long, a journey of self realization and evolution. Allow your partner to do just that,but stay interested and involved while you allow yourself to do the same.
Recognize and cherish the high points, band together and muddle through the low ones. Above all, remain separate individuals who chose to make the journey together and you will have become one force with which to face any obstacle or achieve any goal. This is the secret to a successful relationship.