The Quest for Happiness in Marriage

If you haven’t seen “Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married” you must. Plan a date-night with your honey or go with a bunch of friends, I don’t care how you see it you just have to see it. I don’t care if you are black, white, orange or green, man, woman…I don’t care, you must see this movie. It is funny, enlightening, heart-warming, but most of all it is REAL. If you chose to take the plunge that marriage can be, you must see this movie.

I took my hubby although he expected a chick-flick (as did I) and he enjoyed it. The man’s perspective is observed just as much as the female’s so we could both relate and at times he’d agree out loud and get poked in his side. But one thing that stuck with me most was the men’s conversation about 80/20. It stuck because it really is true, if you’re lucky you’ve married someone who fills 80% of what you need from a relationship. My hubby is at least 80% of what I need in a spouse. He’s not affectionate or romantic, so I could go looking for someone who is but what would I find? Likely only 20%.

Who wants 20%? 20% would be affectionate and romantic but may not have a job or even ambition. He may not be a good father to my babies and my mood swings would scare him away. 20% couldn’t handle the strong woman that Natalie is but he’d hold my hand and bring home flowers for no particular reason. Hm, that’s all ya got?

Think about your 80%. My 80% held my hand when I was scared to death before the birth of our daughter when I learned she’d be born via emergency c-section. My 80% knows me, like he says, better than I know myself. He may not bring home flowers but he knows when I’m too tired to do nighttime baths and when I’m dressing everyone for church on Sunday morning he’d better get ready too. What’s so great about your 80%? Mine will let me cry like a baby, scream and yell like the crazy woman I am, and will still hold me (when I ask him) so I can get to sleep. He loves me for me and that is no easy feat.

My 80% folds clothes, washes dishes, cooks insanely well and provides for me and our kids. He attends parent-teacher conferences, events at school, and helps our daughter with math homework. My 80% will even go out on a cold, snowy Colorado night to buy pads for his wife who forgot to get them earlier that day.

I know the fun of 20% and before you’ve had 80 you just hope there’s more to it than what you’re getting, but at that time in your life, 20% can be a lot of fun. I have 80% now but I had 20% before. My 20% made recognizing 80% incredibly easy. He was nice, he thought I was a hottie and he made sure I knew it. That was in the day. But at night he’d go home, smoke weed then come over and eat all of my Froot Loops. Then he’d proceed to pass out on my fouton. I wondered, “is this all there is?” My 20% had a way that made it clear to me that all he wanted was sex and once he got that he’d be out. Glad I held out…I held out and he didn’t have the patience so he was off to the next girl’s Froot Loops.

My 20 may have made me feel incredibly sexy, but he had ulterior motives. He wouldn’t help me with my math, which he was really good at, and when he didn’t want to be bothered he made it very obvious. I may not have 100% but who does? I’ll take my 80 and ride this thing til the wheels fall off because if this is all there is, I’ll take it!