Remember the exciting dating period when you asked the person you recently met a million questions about his/her past? That was the time to ask questions about past relationships. After a year of dating, that information is no longer warranted, appropriate, or appreciated. Once you’re married, it’s a strict “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
In a marriage, or even in a committed relationship, you want to feel as if you are the only person to share the loving aspect of your partner’s life. While it’s untrue, it’s just the idealistic fantasy we all have. In accepting your partner’s past, you really don’t want intimate details.
Dating is the time for questions. “Have you ever been in love?” “Why did you break up?” “How many people have you been with?” I never understood why people ask, “What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a boyfriend/girlfriend?” Do people really want that answer? I don’t know about you but I don’t want to picture my man with another girl doing God knows what in an amazingly romantic setting. I’ll find out if he’s romantic by what he does for me when we’re together.
I can only speak from the dating perspective. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and we’re at the point where the conversation of marriage is a frequent topic. We love each other and know everything that’s worth knowing about each other.
Nothing grosses me out more than thinking about him with his ex-girlfriends. I sometimes catch myself thinking, “Did he do this with the ex?” Then I quickly shake my head in disgust and out of desperation to get a new visual. Early on, it was fair for us to ask some questions. Now, I don’t want to think about it or know any more details.
If you like something your ex did, don’t say, “well my ex did it like this.” It’s extremely creepy and disturbing on so many levels. Instead, plant the seed that you want to try something different or do something incredibly romantic. You should love the man you married more than you ever loved your ex-boyfriends. Every experience should feel like new with your hubby. No comparisons.
Communication is key to a lasting relationship, especially throughout a life-long marriage. But there’s no need to mention an old flame’s name, whether it’s in a positive or negative light. It’s not a competition. All that matters now is you and him. The baggage is left at the altar.
Divulging past romances only leads to jealousy and it’s usually a conscious effort aimed at making your partner jealous. It’s a natural part of early dating but once you’re married, drop the games! He loves you. You love him. He committed the rest of his life to you. Game over.