SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?…”IF I STAY IT COULD BE TOUBLE-IF I GO IT COULD BE DOUBLE.”
Fear of the unknown paralyzes people. It’s as if we become just comforatble enough that we are willing to endure the agony of a bad relationship, even if it means that we are sacrificing ourselves. Sedintary, set in our ways; It seems as if dumping our own dreams is easier than dumping the guy that behaves like a bafoon. How is this rational?
My “Life-Partner” and I were engaged once. A few years after we started dating, he asked me to marry him, I wore the beautiful diamond, reluctantly for several months. Being previously married and experiencing the devastation of divorce, I was hesitant to wear the ring. I really had no intentions of marrying again-but the diamond was gorgeous!
Obviously, this is the wrong mindset for becoming engaged, it’s like making a promise that you know you will not keep. Regardless, If he wanted express his complete adoration for me;
who was I to burst his bubble?
At the time, we had two girls in grade school. The was a great amount of friction in our home. Our “blended” family was pulling me in many different directions; The girls were in constant competition for our attention; every single day their was a battle taking place in our home. Honestly, the Man of the House, less than effective in communicating with me and the children. His inablity to appropriately express his feelings, more often than not, resulted in rage. His uncontrollable anger, sometimes resulting in violence. He never hurt the girls and he never hurt me, physically; but the threat was terrifying.
One day, I just left him. I found an affordable, little two-bedroom house in the city, which was perfect for my daughter and I. We loved it. She was incredibly proud of me, peace and relief washed over us. For about a month; The years spent as a family were not easily forgotten. And, the man I had left, had somehow become the sweetest man on earth. He insisted on helping me at every turn. One day, when I was at work, told me he was going to move a few pieces of furniture for me, I gave him the key. While he was in my new house he went through drawers and cupboards, not to pry into my business, but to leave love-notes for me to find later. I was under a lot of pressure. I was lonely. I can’t really say that I caved; but I did. I went home.
His anger and demeanor improved, however, a leopard never changes it’s spots. When his temper appeared to escalte, I would remind him that I would not tolerate it. He broke a few pair of sunglasses, threw his cell phone and snapped a few keyboards over the next few years. Like when confronted with a bully in the school-yard-I would simply walk-away from the confrontation. Rather than to instigate problems, I learned to avoid them completely.
Things went on well for the next few years. As the girls became more independant and home less often, we enjoyed time together. Operating our business, camping and canoeing; we enoyed vacations to Florida, Cancun and Vegas. Unfortunately, on one of these vacations to Florida, the man, who had my very existance in his hands, who had succeeded in making himself the center of my Universe, crushed any faith I had in him. Without going into great detail, I’ll just tell you, he turned his head in the wrong direction-for way too long.
It became clear to me that my Boyfried was an incredibly selfish creep. Cocky, self-absorbed and would abandon me emotionally in the blink of an eye. Arriving home, I packed my things and recruited my girlfriends to help get me out of there. I rented a nice apartment, I tried very hard to separate myself from him; but the man was insistant on being involved in my life. Obsessive and relentless; his tears were apologetic and sincere. Questioning my own ability to manage independently, I agreed to move home again.
Nearly three years have passed. The once battered and chaotic relationship has become quiet, comfortable, and most days, very content. We have established expectations of one another and work equally hard to meet eachother’s needs. Although, leaving was incredibly heart-wrenching, I’ll never regret it. Our relationship has grown as a result, and has continued to mature over the years. I have not questioned whether to stay or go for sometime now; The man in my life is the love of my lifetime.