My name is AnyWoman and my husband beats me. My family knows it, my friends, know it and the neighbors know it. Very few people talk to me about it. I am staying with him because I have never supported myself and I have young children.
I have called the police and reported my husband; however, I am afraid to file charges. I don’t know what I am most afraid of, being beaten again or him getting arrested and having to try to support my children on my meager salary. I am afraid if I throw him out and file charges he may come back to kill me.
I know I have to go and yet I stay in this relationship. I know I have to go before my husband kills me. Every time he beats me it gets a little more serious and I am injured more terribly.
I am afraid and I know I have to leave and yet I stay. I think about Nicole Brown Simpson who had pictures of her beaten face in her safety deposit box. She was worried about her safety and even after she left her husband she ended up murdered.
I am taking courses and trying to get an education. I would like to hope I can stay in the marriage until I graduate from college. But staying is looking scarier every day. My husband drinks too much, comes home angry, and no matter what I do he always seems angry at me. I am frightened and I am tired of always being nervous around him. All joy has disappeared from my life.
Many of my friends are in bad marriages too. Some of them are beaten, some of them have husbands who are now gay, and some of them are married to guys who verbally abuse them. A lot of us have to leave our marriages. We have to go and yet we stay for another day, another night, another round of abuse.
A lot of women in my family have been physically abused by their husbands. I don’t have role models for women who left bad marriages. Mostly the women just endure; they just take the abuse and try to have a life outside of the marriage that so sucks the life from their soul.
I am AnyWoman. I need to start a new life. I know that; I just cannot make myself act on that knowledge. I don’t know where we will live if my children and I leave my husband. I have called some domestic violence shelters but they don’t have places open right now. I am on a waiting list. I hope the wait doesn’t last until after I am dead.
I have to go. My husband beats me. I don’t know where I will go or how my children and I will survive, but I will go soon. I am planning and I have decided to leave. My new life will begin soon. I am about to become a free woman. I will be free. I will have a new life. I will be free.