The decisions that we make on a daily basis in our lives ultimately shape us into the people that we are, and the people that we will become. Although some of the decisions we make are relatively sound, frequently, most of us will make mistakes. While sometimes these are “innocent” mistakes made without the knowledge that they are somehow “wrong” or hurtful, many other times, we make mistakes with some nagging notion in the back of our heads that make us wonder whether what we are doing is the right thing, every step of the way.
The development of an individual’s sexual identity is a delicate thing. While some people who have identified themselves as being “homosexual” have suggested that they have known about their sexual preferences for the duration of their lives, others claim that it has taken them several years to recognize their deepest feelings, particularly because of oppressive family members or society at large.
Many times, as we go through our lives, we develop relationships that we feel are deeper than others. In some cases, friendships extend far beyond acquaintance into deep connections where two people feel that they can share anything with one another. Sometimes, when two friends are very close, one friend can begin to question whether the other is gay or not. While it may not necessarily make a difference in the grand scheme of the relationship, the curious friend generally wants to ensure that he or she is able to “be there for” and support a friend who may be questioning her sexual preferences. Although these curious friends may be well intentioned, if your girlfriend is just a friend, then the bottom line is that her sexual identity and her sexual preferences are her own business, and none of yours. You may want to offer support, but part of being supportive is waiting for the other individual to come forth and ask for your help rather than simply pressuring or questioning her about the intimate details of her sexuality. If you two are really as close as you thought you were, eventually, when she feels ready to, she will come out to you and offer up as much information as she feels comfortable with.
In other situations, however, a “girlfriend” designates a partner in a romantic relationship. If you are in such a relationship with a woman whose sexual preferences you are beginning to question, then you should take a step back and evaluate the relationship as a whole.
First and foremost, remind yourself that there is no set of standard personality traits or characteristics that can identify a gay person, other than the fact that he or she proclaims his/her homosexuality and/or is romantically involved with an individual of the same sex. Otherwise, like heterosexuals, homosexuals come in all different shapes, sizes, ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, races, etc.
While there may be no way to tell if your girlfriend is gay, if you two are involved in a romantic relationship then she certainly has an obligation to tell you if she is romantically linked to other partners, whether or not they are of the same or opposite sex. Furthermore, if you two are making plans for a future that has no possibility of existing, then your girlfriend needs to take a step back, evaluate herself and your relationship, and ultimately decide whether or not a relationship between you two has a future.
The bottom line is that relationships (of any kind) should be based on honesty. Although your girlfriend may not be completely ready to embrace her sexual identity and her sexual preferences, if she is not being honest with herself, she could potentially hurt other individuals that she decides to become romantically linked with. That being said, do not pressure your girlfriend to come forth with a confession. Just be as supportive as possible, and, eventually, if your girlfriend feels comfortable enough with you, she will tell you the truth.