You will know when your spouse is cheating. You don’t need a detective. Listen to your feelings. Women and men have affairs because their needs are not being met and they have lost hope in their relationship. Simply blaming the person who has the affair is a simplistic explanation.
Sex and intimacy happen when both partners are feeling positive about life. If for example, someone in the relationship loses a job, their job loss could bring about a depression which will create an inhibitor to intimacy. What happens if this depression is not treated. Very little intimacy happens, that is for sure. Another example of a powerful factor that effects intimacy would be past failed relationships that could go back as far as the parental relationships. If your parents had intimacy issues it is likely that you will carry on some of the same issues.
Foster children and adoptees have a terrible time believing that someone could truly love them and so these folks often sabotage their relationships before their partner knows what has hit them.
The affairs that we have are not all sexually focused either. A person can have an affair by working all the time while neglecting his or her family. An focal activity that does not leave room for partner relationships is an affair. Affairs are a common method of breaking up a marriage or any relationship. It is a chicken poop way of doing it, but it is effective. Communication is always the key. Being able to share your needs and even more importantly, asking what your partner’s needs are on a daily basis is good. Many marriages and relationships fail because of the assumption clause which goes something like this: if you really loved me you would know what I need; I shouldn’t have to tell you my needs. This assumption clause of course is not effective or reality. People and their moods change daily.
Relationships are hard work because they involve daily communication which most of us have a difficult time doing as we become distracted by life. It is hard to look to the needs of our spouses when we feel neglected. We get tired of trying and give up, hence the affair or the divorce or both most likely. My suggestion is to find out what your spouse enjoys. What makes her or him happy? Do those things, even if you are tired. Do them every day. Listen to what they say. Don’t focus on your needs first. If you focus on your partners needs on a daily basis, they will begin to focus on yours. Sit down and share what your needs are with each other. Don’t wait and let things build up so that they explode in an affair. Finally remember in Marriage, most of our vows state, “in sickness and in health”, and “for richer or for poorer”. Life isn’t fair, but that is OK if you can still reach out and love.