How to come out to my Family

So you’ve found yourself stuck in this place and you’re not quite sure what to do about it. You’re biologically or anatomically one gender, but mentally and psychologically you feel another. How can you tell your parents or your siblings about your conflicting feelings? I myself found myself in this spot and while it’s so tough to come out to those whom you rely on the most, it’s important to tell them how you feel. It’s important to let your true self free.

So how exactly can you go about doing such a task? It all depends on your relationship with your family. If you’re already an open family who talks about almost everything and anything then just bring up the topic with them. On the other hand, if you’re not such an open family and your parents seem even the tiniest bit homophobic or transphobic, then maybe a note is the best way to tell them. Either way, you need to remember and understand that you aren’t the only one transitioning, it is also your family who has to make the change.

Families and parents especially go through the many stages of grief when their son or daughter comes out to them as transgendered or gender variant. They feel as though they did something wrong, they raised you incorrectly, and/or that they are losing their child. Reassure them that it’s not their fault that you are the way you are. While it may not help 100%, it does help you get your point across. Also, make it a conversation. Either way if you’re talking to them or leaving them a note, give them space to write or talk back and ask questions. Giving them a list of sites that discuss or educate about what it means to be transgender is very helpful. If you can provide them with literature on the subject, that is also very helpful. My parents have found talking to other parents is very helpful, so if there are any parents of transgender or LGBT youth groups in your area, tell them about it.

As for you, you may want to stay at a friends house or make sure people know that you are coming out to them. Worst case senario is that you’ll get kicked out of your house and you want to make sure you have a back up plan. I, myself, went to work and then a concert with my friends. When I got home, my friend waited down the road to make sure I wouldn’t need to get out of my house as quick as possible. Their support is the best support, so if you aren’t out to any friends or classmates/coworkers, you may want to consider coming out to them first before coming out to your parents.

This is all the advice I can give someone such as myself and I hope you all the best in your journey coming out. Just remember, your family members have feelings too and they can get really skewed when hit with such a hard topic such as this. Give them time and space to feel what they need to feel. Don’t push them to call you by your chosen name and pronouns right away. Most importantly, stay calm. Don’t yell or blame anyone. That will only make the situation worse.