How Talk about Money Freezes Conversations in Marriage

Money politics in the home

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” is a hackneyed clich that still comes to mind quite often, but how relevant is it in today’s world, with more and more women working, climbing the corporate ladder and spending more time, rocking between the home and office. Everyone wants a good standard of living today and extra money helps. Besides, women are far more educated than they were some time ago, especially in the metropolitan cities and they all want to earn their own living, feel less dependent, contribute equally to finances and more importantly have a say in all decisions, be it to do with the home or other important matters.

With this evident increase in the number of independent working women, in a whole lot of lucrative careers,it brings us to the big question – How are the men adjusting to all this new found power in their spouses?

By virtue of their innate qualities, men have always wanted to be in the driver’s seat as far as being the head of the home, decisions and especially finances were concerned. Have these opinions really changed or do they have no other option but to conform to the ‘open-minded’ millenium changing times?

What do men have to say about money politics in the home? 29-year-old Albert, an Account Supervisor in a leading advertising agency, was of the opinion that it didn’t matter if his wife earned more than him although he admitted rather confidently, “I can’t really envision that happening, so it’s hard to say.” He felt it was more important what his wife was doing in terms of a profession and her position relative to his own. If she was in the same field, in a higher position, with a higher salary, then in all likelihood he would not be comfortable with the idea and it would motivate him to either change his profession or strive hard to rise and earn more than her.

Mike Manners, an engineer working for an aeronautical company in the UK, has a different story to tell. His wife Maya, is an established gynaecologist in Windsor. She not only earns double his salary, she is extremely intelligent and highly respected in their social circles. He has simply learned to work around the situation to make it work to the larger advantage of the whole family. He reached an understanding with his wife, that all household expenditure, would be looked after by him and that her money was to be kept aside, saved for the children’s further studies or for their annual lavish holidays to exotic lands. He decided to see the positive side of the scenario, instead of letting his ego get in the way. He even jokes about it and at the same time, still feels very much in control as far as family decisions go.

As long men are willing to concentrate on their spouses achievements and feel proud to have such an accomplished wife, instead of focussing on their own egos – There wouldn’t be any money politics taking precedence over everything else and the home would no longer be a battleground.

Allocate responsibilities between spouses so that finances are equally looked after. This gives both a sense of accomplishment
Praise each others individual accomplishments and encourage the other to succeed in the work place.
If working in the same profession or organization is straining the relationship, try to reach a compromise, where one spouse decides to change jobs or even their profession for that matter.
Joint accounts work for some couples. But make sure you don’t keep count of how much is whose! – The ‘Yours is mine and mine is yours concept’ should work.
Preferably work together to devise ways to make your financial assets work best for you and your family.