If your spouse is ready to have a child and you aren’t ready, you should tell them exactly how you feel and why. You’ll need to express yourself clearly and calmly and state your case. You’re going to need to explore your feelings on the subject thoroughly before you enter into a discussion about it.
Are you feeling unsure because of finances? Do you feel you need to have a certain amount of money to have children? Are you not there yet? The truth is, if you wait to do something because of finances, you’ll never do anything. If everyone waited until they were financially ready to go back to school, to get married, buy a car and all those other expensive life issues, no one would do any of them. Ask yourself if this is an excuse or a valid feeling.
You should be thinking about freedom when it comes to having a child. Children require constant attention. Infants are a twenty-four hour a day job. And if you think it gets easier when they are older, think again! Probably no parents ever completely stop worrying about the welfare of their children. And that’s as it should be.
This is a valid concern and shouldn’t be taken lightly. But remember, most things in life aren’t imaginable until you’re living them. You think you won’t be able or ready to take care of someone but in fact, you will because you’ll love this little person more than you could ever imagine.
Fear of How You Might Parent-
Everyone has baggage. All were raised with negatives and positives. Some of our childhood was good and some of it was bad. Some people worry they’ll make the same mistakes their own parents made. Truth be known, you’ll make mistakes. No one is perfect. You might make some of the same mistakes your parents made but you’ll also make quite a few of your very own invention.
But if you keep it in the front mind, that you want to do things in a different manner than your parents did them, you should be fine. Also keep in mind, we tend to go to the other extreme, too. So if your parents were aloof and distant, you might wind up becoming a hovering, in your face parent. Either extreme is not a good situation.
It is possible to find a happy medium and raise kids with similarities and differences from your own childhood.
Don’t Be Pushed-
Do not let anyone push you into having a child before you are ready. It is the hardest, most time- consuming job on the planet. And if you look inside yourself and realize you are really not ready, don’t allow someone to make you feel terrible about that decision. Just as you shouldn’t feel pushed to get married, you shouldn’t be pushed into having children.
Just because you aren’t ready right this second, doesn’t mean that six months to a year from now you won’t change your mind. Make sure you get that across to your spouse. If this is temporary and you feel someday you’d like to have a family, make sure your spouse fully understands this.
On the other hand, if you have no intention of ever having a child, you have no choice but to tell your spouse this. Ideally, you’ve talked about having a family before you got married but if you’ve changed your mind or you haven’t actually talked about it until after the wedding, you must be honest. And you must decide what comes next.
Having children is one of the biggest, most life-changing experiences. Thinking hard about it before having one is always good thing. Don’t beat yourself up because you’re weighing your feelings. That’s a mature attitude. When the time is right, you’ll be ready.