Are sexual fantasies dangerous to maintaining a committed relationship? Can you be married or in a relationship and still sexually fantasize about somebody of the opposite gender? For most, this is a rhetorical question. Many don’t bat an eye when making the statement that “It’s just fantasy” and asking “What’s the harm?” There are many different schools of thought on this, and for each couple and individual, you might find a hundred different answers as to when it’s acceptable to sexually fantasize about somebody of the opposite sex or whether it’s acceptable at all.
This is where common sense comes in. Common sense dictates that when you’re in a committed relationship, whether you’ve “taken the plunge” of marriage or not, you probably shouldn’t sexually fantasize about somebody of the opposite gender. There are many out there who might argue that point, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But it’s funny how many quickly change their mind or feelings on the subject when they realize that’s what their partner is doing.
Before deciding whether or not it’s acceptable to be married or in a relationship and sexually fantasize about somebody of the opposite gender, ask yourself a few questions. Would you be accepting of your partner choosing to view pornography? Would you think it acceptable for him or her to attend adult entertainment clubs where the opposite sex is parading around and gyrating to the music with little or nothing covering their private body parts? Would you feel comfortable being intimate with your partner if you knew he or she was fantasizing about your best friend, your sister, your brother, etc?
For each couple, the threshold of what’s acceptable as far as fantasy, sexuality and lust can vary widely from individual to couple. Many people wouldn’t feel comfortable with sharing their fantasies with their partner about others of the opposite gender (or even the same gender, for that matter!). But why is that? Primarily because human beings are jealous and insecure by nature. Many individuals realize that there’s a fine line between lust and cheating, flirting and cheating, etc. So why are the lines so blurred when it comes to sexual fantasies about members of the opposite gender?
The truth of the matter is that lusting after another- whether in person, through fantasies, etc- is dangerous to your relationship. This is why fantasies can become dangerous. It’s okay to have fantasies, but it’s best to be cautious. Having fantasies about members of the opposite gender when you’re in a committed relationship or marriage can cause major problems between you and your partner, regardless of whether or not you tell your partner or not. Chances are, if you’re fantasizing and using it as a way to be intimate with your partner, he or she will realize that you’re not truly with him or her “in the moment.” If you tell your partner about your fantasies, depending on personality types, you run the risk of causing doubts and insecurities to crop up in your relationship.
In a committed relationship or marriage, there’s no room for doubt or insecurity. The best way to handle fantasizing about the opposite sex when you are in a committed relationship or marriage is to return the focus of your fantasies back on your partner. If you’re feeling adventurous and your partner is open-minded, then share fantasies with your partner. Spice up your love life by focusing on one another, not other people of the opposite gender (whether it’s someone you know personally or it’s a stranger).
You might find that your fantasies about your partner are more exciting than those of others. And the best part is, your partner is already yours and with you. This can make the difference between causing a rift in your relationship or gaining more excitement and intimacy in your relationship. It’s been proven that the less focused a person is on their partner, the more caught up they are in fantasies, the more likely they are to commit infidelity or to turn to porn to attempt to satisfy their urges. Both of those outcomes can be deadly to a relationship.
Does being married or in a relationship mean that you can’t sexually fantasize about somebody of the opposite gender? No, there’s nothing stopping you from doing so. But it’s probably best not to, if you want to maintain the integrity of your relationship and intimacy with your partner. Sometimes fantasies simply aren’t enough if they’re the wrong kind, this can lead to other temptations that will cause more hurt and damage than can be undone.